Thanksgiving is traditionally a time of celebration for family, friends, turkey, and smiles around the table as relatives greet those they have not seen for months or even years.
But politicians and observers say the holiday has also become a time of political disagreements during the polarizing era of President Donald J. Trump as Americans hold sharply different views either for or against the controversial commander in chief.
The polarization has prompted instances of brothers not talking to brothers and nieces not talking to uncles. As such, observers are advising that when families gather around the table on Thanksgiving Day, they should take care to avoid politics.
Longtime political science professor Gary Rose said he often hears from his students at Sacred Heart University about sensitive clashes in their families over politics.
“It’s well understood that around the table on Thanksgiving Day, it’s best for people to keep opinions to themselves,” Rose told The Courant in an interview.
“It is a way to spoil the dinner. The goal for Thanksgiving dinner is to have peace and family time,” he said. “It’s a day when politics should be put on the shelf. It’s best not to talk about it because it does lend itself to very hard feelings among people.”
Americans have always been divided in some ways, dating back in modern times to 1964 when Arizona Sen. Barry Goldwater battled against President Lyndon B. Johnson during the Vietnam War. Clashes occurred even before then, but the temperature and hard feelings have risen sharply in recent years.
“It is much worse,” said Rose, 74, who has been teaching politics for more than 40 years. “Before, there were disagreements, but they were mild. Now, it’s either you are with Trump or you are against him. It is very severe. It is worse in this era. … This is probably the most intense time that I have seen in my lifetime when it comes to talking about politics. It’s almost as if people have become enemies of one another when they start getting into the issues. With Trump, it’s not just disagreement. It gets very personal very quickly, and that’s what I think separates this difference compared to previous differences.”
Rose added, “People disagreed when [Republican Ronald] Reagan was president and when [Democrat Joe] Biden was president over issues, but it was still within the context of acceptance of one another. But this one really seems to have a much more personal dimension to it.”
In his own personal case, Rose said that his family is quite aware that he has written multiple books and has spent his professional career thinking and teaching about politics. But he said he does not bring up politics at dinner, noting that some families have “a peace deal” in avoiding contentious subjects. In addition, his son teaches about history and government — and they do not have fights about politics.
If relatives want to clash, there are certainly enough issues to fight about. Those include the wars in Ukraine and Gaza, tariffs, unemployment, job cuts, health care, Obamacare subsidies, affordable housing, gun control, abortion, and the recent federal government shutdown.
The intense climate has seen increasing violence against public officials in recent years. These include assassination attempts against members of Congress, including Democratic U.S. Rep. Gabby Giffords in a mass shooting in 2011 in Arizona and Republican U.S. Rep. Steve Scalise, who was shot during a baseball practice in a mass shooting in June 2017 in Virginia in preparation for the annual Congressional baseball game. In addition, there were two assassination attempts against Trump in Pennsylvania and Florida.
Both sides of the aisle
Politicians on both sides of the aisle say that the best message for Thanksgiving is peace.
Sen. Ryan Fazio, a Greenwich Republican, said he has seen it from both sides, adding that it is possible to have a pleasant day.
“Most of my closest friends are Democrats, and most of my closest family are Republicans,” Fazio told The Courant in an interview. “I’ve always grown up with the assumption that you can have discussions and disagreements about politics in a civil way and in a way that makes everybody more intelligent. Discussions about important and contentious issues can be had in what I think is a civil manner and doesn’t need to descend into vitriol or anything like that. That’s a lesson our entire country could learn.”
Fazio, 35, said it is important to look back at history and realize that Americans have been divided in various ways since the Civil War.
“It probably has always been an issue, but it’s certainly become more of an issue as the country has become more culturally and politically polarized in the last two decades,” he said.
“Remember, it helps to have the perspective of history. It is polarized now, and it is more polarized than it has been in recent decades and that’s unfortunate. I view that with sadness. There are good people who can have disagreements about policy, but the country has also been more divided than it is now. We went to war with one another over questions that were far more important than the ones that we are discussing today. It’s worth remembering that perspective of history as well.”
Deputy House Speaker Pro Tempore Bob Godfrey, one of the longest-serving legislators after winning in 1988, said that he personally will not have a problem because he will be eating with “like-minded people” at the table.
“I hope the families know who the extremists are on each side,” Godfrey said. “There’s nothing messier than mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie in your face.”
Godfrey, a Democrat, agreed that the national intensity has increased recently.
“The whole vibe, the whole atmosphere, the attitude of people across this nation over politics is divisive,” he told The Courant. “It’s uncivil. The answer on January 6 was let’s take over the Capitol. A number of them have committed additional crimes and are back in the judicial system. It’s the worst I’ve ever seen it, and I’ve been around a while. I don’t know how to stop it.”
Americans, Godfrey said, need to step back and take a deep breath in order to experience the true spirit of the holiday. Domestic tranquility, he noted, is specifically mentioned in the preamble to the U.S. constitution.
“Thanksgiving is probably the only unique United States holiday,” Godfrey said. “Everybody has an independence day or recognizes the armed forces and veterans. Certainly Christmas and New Year’s and Easter. But Thanksgiving is unique. The whole point of it is to gather as family, as friends, and give thanks for each other’s existence and for all the blessings that we have — not for fighting, not for dividing. I would hope that we could get over ourselves and truly be thankful.”
Godfrey cited the famous oil painting by renowned artist Norman Rockwell, known as “Freedom From Want,” that shows a grandmother placing the turkey on the table for smiling family members and reflects the true spirit of Thanksgiving.
“That’s the way it should be,” Godfrey said. “Thanksgiving especially should be a day of celebration, not of adversarial remarks.”
Americans need to return to the days of respect, tolerance, and civility, Godfrey said.
“My prayers on Thanksgiving,” he said, “would ask for that.”
Deputy House Speaker Pro Tempore Bob Godfrey of Danbury says Thanksgiving dinner should be marked by peace and tranquility – and not politics.
Photo by Mark Mirko.
Looking ahead to Thursday
A national group called Braver Angels, which was formed nine years ago and has a Connecticut chapter, specializes in the depolarization of politics. The group prepared a national Zoom meeting for Sunday night that “invites us all to pause, reflect, and celebrate gratitude” in an evening with speakers and music in a move to “honor the spirit of Thanksgiving through reflection, faith, and through the shared expressions of gratitude that are integral to courageous citizenship.”
Craig Diamond, who serves as co-chair of the Connecticut alliance, said the group of volunteers trains other volunteers to be moderators and organizers who work to lower the temperature of political discussions. The national website, braverangels.org, offers free online courses and webinars that can be seen 24 hours a day, along with live events.
“Uncle Joe might be polarizing, but you don’t have to respond in kind,” Diamond said. “It comes up all the time that Thanksgiving has become more awkward, more difficult. It’s so disheartening to hear that. It’s more polarized. There’s more emotion around it. People’s identities are more wrapped up in it.”
With days remaining to prepare, Americans can think about making the day go smoothly.
“My advice is you need to know who is sitting down with you and do your quick analysis there of where people stand,” Rose said. “It’s best to probably not take any chances and keep it calm. That would be the advice I would give. It’s really not worth it. What do you have to gain from it? … It doesn’t take much for someone to upset the apple cart at a dinner table, though. It can happen very fast.”
Christopher Keating can be reached at [email protected]